Number One, Longing. Number Two, Regret (1 star)

(15) 98min (Peccadillo Pictures DVD rental/retail)


Former computer man John Spears (Paul Conway) is arrested on suspicion of murdering a neighbour. Detective Kenosha (Jenny Agutter) becomes fascinated by the case and tries to work out whether or not he’s guilty.

Debut filmmaker Neil Wassell’s mind-bogglingly incompetent attempt at a kind of latterday version of Jagged Edge (meets conspiracy thriller) pretty much fails on every level. Actors of stilted inexpressiveness deliver hopeless plot exposition; cumbersome flashbacks (there’s also regrettably a flashforward) confuse rather than clarify. Add the music wallpapered all over it as if in an attempt to cover faulty plotting and express the characters’ feelings in place of the actors’ half-hearted attempts, alongside a weirdly inconsistent visual style, and you have an unmitigated disaster. It is, of course, nevertheless compulsively watchable: a reverse masterclass. Extras include outtakes and behind the scenes footage.

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